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The Journey Of Self

Recently, education has a new buzz word, self-care. This obviously named term is different to each teacher. Most, I fear just sleep. The profession is tough. I take two days into each holiday break and hide from all humans. This sounds insane and cause for a nice padded room vacation, unless you are a teacher. It is the daily movements or lessons that cause me to become a shrinking violet, it is the mental stress that never leaves my side along with the constant pressures of data, testing, and the reality that our kids live in this crazy world. One that no amount of data can guide. Our kids love or hate us, with no bearing on who we are, but who they are in their lives on that particular time of the day. It makes days challenging and I love that factor but it is also exhausting, bring on the buzz word.

So another weekend begins. I start with true momentum. I get dressed. Then I take a nap. I look at Facebook and get true FOMO when I hit Instagram. With my senses completely overstimulated I launch into the realities of the weekly mindless chores, that I hide behind just to gather enough strength for the week. It is not the physical or the creative demands that brings me to my knees. It is the issues the kids bring into the room and how we need to whisk all their baggage away so learning can happen. The impossibility of this notion brings me back to self-care. On Saturday, I do not move. I am too exhausted. If I tell you I did something exciting over the weekend, even a movie outside of my home. I am probably spinning a tale. My FOMO is always high with no jealousy at my friends adventures, but always wondering what it would be like to have enough strength to have a weekend where home necessities and events could intertwine.

So instead of self-care that revolves around outside enjoyment, spa days, or other intellectual moments, mine will always be about sleep. On Monday I always hit the ground with vim and vigor as long as coffee is by my side or my true addiction Diet Coke. In the midst of writers workshop on Friday I thought I lost my soda, as I roamed the room and scanned countless essays. I teared up. That is not a good sign my friends, but it will have to be as the week is long, my kids are needy, and I will always love being the exhausted teacher that I was meant to be in this world.

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