I met a woman who has never felt a day of depression in her 91 years. “It must suck,” was her response. All I could think was yes, yes, it does. She continued to ask me, “Why are there depression commercials?”  My response was,”I don’t know.” My head went to a different place. Everywhere we turn, there are reminders, commercials, pills, quick fixes, etc. Worse yet is the new oddity of the open person who is applauded for their bravery for coming out and sharing the story of the sadness, despair, and their first world worries that lead them to not enjoying life to the fullest. They do a journal, go to yoga, talk to a pricey shrink, and are cured. So applaud if you will, but I am more of a lifer and do not want it, I just want this numb feeling to go away.  I have been relatively numb for thirty years off, and on. Mine is not caused by  getting the nanny I wanted or having to travel business class or not having enough me time. No, mine is more.  Most of the time, it is very controlled. No one knows the high functioning depressed type. We are low-key and a chameleon by necessity as it hits for days, not years in a row, just a rollercoaster of numbness. No attention is needed or wanted. Just relief.  So, I am going to write. Alot. In this blog. Remember, it’s cool, and in my essay book. Still messy, chapters out of order and truly represents a life that is a little numb that wants an awakening that might just come through, yes, the process. The work that must take place to stay away from the sad I feel for absolutely no reason. So work I will. I know I am not alone, and perhaps my out of shape body, mind, soul, and chapter book will finally come together.