When the kid was little. He almost died. Easy to write, hard to say. Even now, during my click clacking of the words, tears still fill my eyes. To say, I am overprotective, is an understatement. This almost tragedy along with my Jewish upbringing, which was the epitome of hover- craft parenting, meant the kid was doomed. Or as I put it loved to the max. Still is. I am guilty of trying to take away all the bad with my magic wand. One that has waved mightily over all the simple fixes of life, but recently has seen better days, as my waving has became a habit to cure all that can’t be cured. Life is life and wands wear out.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I can be tough. On others, myself, but never the kid. I am still the hapless waver of my tattered stick, believing I can change what I feel should be changed. And there you have it…what I think. Not anyone else, just me. If others think it, I am the only brave one to confront, push, and attempt for the ending I see leading to a happily ever after. I think of myself as a trailblazer. The kid. Not so much, I am annoying at best. I have used the I gave birth to you, too many times. While I feel it should still ring true, with every passing year the sound becomes faint. Not gone in my ears, just faint.
To be fair. He is right, I am too much. He has to do him. But an open mind and my abundance of love and guidance does not hurt anyone. Or does it? This is debatable…as raising him was not a picnic. Truly. During the lows I saw his soul, desires, talents, faults and fears. We have had our moments. Most have passed and our relationship has settled. Recently, I entered “fixer recovery” and my wand has been banished. Now, I am just another overbearing mom that sees a variety of directions that will bring him great pride and teach his son lessons of a lifetime.
No matter what path my son chooses. He is my world and the reason I gave up my wand and entered “fixer recovery.” I will always be happy with his choices as he is my gift from God. But a mom can dream. But dreams and support are different from pushing, annoying with overbearing ideas and comments coupled with a hint of hovering. I will stick to my dreams for him but be ready and on call whenever needed. This is what I call a healthy balance and a sponsor (if fixer recovery existed) would call baby steps.
I love you KWL.